Being feminine is being desired and hated at the same time. A feminine body or mind is expected to be open and receiving to everything from others’ emotional baggage to sexual fantasies of total strangers. At the same time, receptivity (not that this defines femininity by any means) is considered weak and inferior. The result of this is often violence. Femininity is to be present for other’s needs and then destroyed for its perceived weaknesses.
Being feminine and of color is especially dangerous. Not just because we are a walking target for racist, stereotyped sexual fantasies but because so often we are blamed for being that."
Womanist Musings: Processes of Feminization: Becoming Myself (via aseanti)
I know this all too well. :( Even pre-transition, I was the person in my social groups who was always the one who had to do the emotional work with my (mostly straight cis male) friends, but it was always one way. I listened and reflected back on them, and they talked to me, but when I needed them, they thought I was being selfish and got angry at me because the default dynamic was so one-way to them they saw anything else as being unbalanced.
And it’s the same way with men now, especially white and/or cis men who fetishize me: that it’s a very one-way default thing for them, and any attempt where I try to hold a boundary or stand up for myself seems like a huge giant incursion to them because I’m supposed to be the one receiving & handling their emotional needs, desires, fantasies, etc. That’s the default dynamic in their minds, and any push back feels like I’m taking something from them. And also they’re not afraid to lash out at me because of the perceived weaknesses stated above.